So presently, its past midnight where I am and for some reason, I have an urge to post this piece right now before I sleep on it for yet another two whole weeks! Have you ever been in a place where you feel like you can’t talk to God because you’ve messed up so bad that you feel like you don’t qualify, but you can’t go back to where He picked you from. So you just stay put, stuck halfway because you’ve got no place to go. If you’ve ever been in this place, this poem is just for you.
TOO FAR IN, YET TOO FAR OUT
It’s strange how in this Christian race
I struggle to find consistent pace
I stress, I press and even grimace
Yet I falter, stutter and come up with less
I shake, I fear because He’s coming to access
My life, my loves and my soul’s very face.
Sometimes, I am high and I find a kind of safe place
Other times I am down, just can’t hear what He says
Lord, this flesh nature is very fierce
It shackles, it buckles and straps in this mess
Can I sense You, hear You or see Your face
I need to know You care even in this disgrace
Can You see me? Do I still matter?
Said You’ll be with me, doesn’t feel like it now
I feel all alone, struggling to please You
Always falling very short
Can You feel me now?
Dear Lord, I need to know so bad
Many times I felt like giving in
Just plain walk away and turn back to sin
But when I look back at where You reeled me in
A place of pain where none is really sane
I was head deep in mud, sin’s very den
It seems miles away now, since back then
Yet more miles away from the perfection for which I yearn
I am too far in to turn back to that den
Yet too far out that I wonder when
I will be free from struggle and all life’s pain
Lord, can you see me, I am growing too lean
Starving from your presence, needing your word’s inn
Where I can rest on the fact that You are working
To make me what You said I am becoming
Speak to me, touch me. I am willing to learn
HE SPEAKS IN THE LIGHTNING…………………
You speak without knowledge
Your words resound with lack of courage
Sin will never be absent from this present world
Nor temptations so far away to make you bold
To stand alone and trust your own might
Because you need to be near my power’s light
But I am not absent, either from this world
Nor My grace and spirit far away, oh you need to be told!
That I care so much to help you out
You though your efforts could bail you out
You struggled yourself to eat real meat
Well now you are done, what can you show for it?
Take My hand and follow My every step
You may slip and all in the murky deep
But look up, My hand’s still there
Ever faithful, I am waiting to take you where
There’s no sorrow, right through the straight and narrow
Don’t give up, don’t let your life fallow.
I am ashamed to have spoken thus
I looked back then, yet through all the fuss
I failed to see the distance He has brought me
I looked ahead and at the present, but never to thee
I’ve been through worse, oh! Why didn’t I see
That He who started this work in me is able to finish so I am able to be
What He said I’ll live to be
And see not what is not done, but what is done through Christ’s fee
Yes, I am not yet what I strive to be
But praise Him! I am not what I used to be!
I am humble, I am contrite, now I am seeking Your face
Not trusting my own effort now but trusting Your grace.