So presently,  its past midnight where I am and for some reason, I have an urge to post this piece right now before I sleep on it for yet another two whole weeks! Have you ever been in a place where you feel like you can’t talk to God because you’ve messed up so bad that you feel like you don’t qualify, but you can’t go back to where He picked you from. So you just stay put, stuck halfway because you’ve got no place to go. If you’ve ever been in this place, this poem is just for you.

TOO FAR IN, YET TOO FAR OUT

By

Chidike Samuelson

It’s strange how in this Christian race

I struggle to find consistent pace

I stress, I press and even grimace

Yet I falter, stutter and come up with less

I shake, I fear because He’s coming to access

My life, my loves and my soul’s very face.

Sometimes, I am high and I find a kind of safe place

Other times I am down, just can’t hear what He says

Lord, this flesh nature is very fierce

It shackles, it buckles and straps in this mess

Can I sense You, hear You or see Your face

I need to know You care even in this disgrace

Can You see me? Do I still matter?

Said You’ll be with me, doesn’t feel like it now

I feel all alone, struggling to please You

Always falling very short

Can You feel me now?

Dear Lord, I need to know so bad

Many times I felt like giving in

Just plain walk away and turn back to sin

But when I look back at where You reeled me in

A place of pain where none is really sane

I was head deep in mud, sin’s very den

It seems miles away now, since back then

Yet more miles away from the perfection for which I yearn

I am too far in to turn back to that den

Yet too far out that I wonder when

I will be free from struggle and all life’s pain

Lord, can you see me, I am growing too lean

Starving from your presence, needing your word’s inn

Where I can rest on the fact that You are working

To make me what You said I am becoming

Speak to me, touch me. I am willing to learn

HE SPEAKS IN THE LIGHTNING…………………

You speak without knowledge

Your words resound with lack of courage

Sin will never be absent from this present world

Nor temptations so far away to make you bold

To stand alone and trust your own might

Because you need to be near my power’s light

But I am not absent, either from this world

Nor My grace and spirit far away, oh you need to be told!

That I care so much to help you out

You though your efforts could bail you out

You struggled yourself to eat real meat

Well now you are done, what can you show for it?

Take My hand and follow My every step

You may slip and all in the murky deep

But look up, My hand’s still there

 Ever faithful, I am waiting to take you where

There’s no sorrow, right through the straight and narrow

Don’t give up, don’t let your life fallow.

ME……………

I am ashamed to have spoken thus

I looked back then, yet through all the fuss

I failed to see the distance He has brought me

I looked ahead and at the present, but never to thee

I’ve been through worse, oh! Why didn’t I see

That He who started this work in me is able to finish so I am able to be

What He said I’ll live to be

And see not what is not done, but what is done through Christ’s fee

Yes, I am not yet what I strive to be

But praise Him! I am not what I used to be!

I am humble, I am contrite, now I am seeking Your face

Not trusting my own effort now but trusting Your grace.